Nostalgia seems to be a central theme of the times, that and longing. Longing seems to be a byproduct of nostalgia, which came first? I had this conversation with my friend the other day and they said they read an article which said the chicken came first, citing that for the modern chicken egg to be held viably, a chicken must exist which can hold the structure of that egg. I am obviously butchering the science, but, from what I understand, only the chicken can hold within itself the structure of the modern egg, but then who laid that chicken? I still think the egg came first. You're supposed to put your oxygen mask on first, so maybe the chicken. My mother has a hard time accepting me being Trans, gay, she could deal with, she was relieved actually at the thought, at least this one won't get anyone pregnant, but trans? Thats a little too much. She always told me she thought she was put on earth to teach and mold her children, but realized, because of my defiance, and the fact that all of my siblings and I are queer, that she was made a mother to learn from us. To be honest, I don’t know.

So much of my life has been longing, of acceptance, of love, of queer kinship, of queer futures, of becoming. Future nostalgia, for these times, when we can just be, in isolation, ourselves, in whatever capacity or form we need to manifest in. I’ve been painting myself in drag a lot. Not painting on a canvas, but painting on my face. Longing for becoming, nostalgia for how things were. Which came first, the longing, or the Nostalgia?